Naruto vs The Mad!
by Kyuubi16
Summary: A short, near crack level story. A crossover with Braindead13. Naruto x Vivi pairing.
1. The Castle!

Naruto vs Braindead 13

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Naruto x Vivi

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''Normal Speech''

 _Inner Thoughts, Dialogue, Musical Lyrics, or reading passages from books and scrolls._

(Quick Notes and Messages or Echoes.)

 **(Dark over lapping echoes)**

 **''Boss Summons, Demons, Dark beings speaking, Possessions, Demonic/Angry characters speaking as well as extremely Dark spells and Magic.''**

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Story Start

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 _The name is Uzumaki Naruto and I'm running from a psychotic fucking hunchback by the name of Fritz. You're all probably wondering, Naruto, you're a bad-ass shinobi right? Why not just Rasengan him to face or something or better yet you're a shinobi. Create a bunch of Kagebunshin to distract him while you'll Shushin out of there._

 _Well it was a matter of pride. The little bastard is trying to kill me so I can't stop until I kill him. Considering he is as fucking durable as Superman which culminated of him surviving a fucking Oodama Rasengan for starters and a kunai to the skull._

 _The reason why I'm here is to steal some formula from some mad scientists and to do that I was to pose as a computer technician to prevent any suspicion. Now you're wondering, once again, use your damn shinobi abilities and sneak in to steal it. But I was feeling particular lazy that day and decided the easier way to go about this is to be brought in, bullshit with the repairs, and have my clones look around. Suffice to say that plan went straight to hell so this my story. It all started a few hours ago._

''

 _"This place is rather weird."_ Naruto quietly mumbled under his breath as he finished fixing the defunct diao. ''Who am I billing this too again?'' he said as the computer sprouted to life. The room he was in was a massive chamber with sea green tiles. It housed a massive super computer as well as a rather large lab. It seemed so gothic and drab one could not help but want to make a bunch of puns and quips about mad scientists.

With an evil cackle the disembodied head answered him. **''Doctor Neurosis!''**

'''Oh god, you're not one of those run of the mill scientists are you? Trying to take over the world or something like that?" He had asked while keeping the mock out of his voice. One of the things he had come to do was consume a vast amount of literature and media via clones in this world. Old man Hagoromo had certainly been right. Watching movies from the worlds he traveled to was one of the greatest things ever.

''How did you know?'' The like violet skin disemboweled brain demanded as little aqua colored bubbles floated to the surface in his containment unit.

''I've met all kind of psychos and scientists in my life. From what I can tell you just seem like an _average_ mad scientist so...'' but Naruto was cut off when Neurosis echoed Average in outrage.

 **''I am not average! You are in the presence supreme intellect...''**

Neurosis continued on as Naruto finished his predictable monologue.

''...Rule the world! Yeah, average, overdone, and just plain uncreative!'' and if only Naruto hadn't said anything at all there would be no story.  
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''FRITZ! KILL HIM!''** The mad scientist ordered as the purple rag, green skinned hunchback brought up his duo golden claws in the place where his hands should be. The creature pressed a button at the control pad he was at resulting in the large portion of the floor Naruto was on to be destroyed. The blond back flipped out of the way and landed on all fours as he whipped a kunai out of his kunai pouch on his left leg and whipped it at the creature landed it directly between his eyes.

''So much for...'' he was cut off as the little creature dropped down from above, an arm canon on his left arm and a sizable whole where the kunai was. ''The hell?'' he mumbled to himself as the strange creature and some fucking way managed to hold and ignite the canon using his hooked hand. While the creature was cackling Naruto decided to be a complete ass and not run away but to wait until the canon to fire and use the replacement jutsu at the last second. Sure enough Fritz had been blast to shit by the canon ball and sent crashing through the violet, moss colored wall of the lab.

Naruto couldn't help but laugh his ass off at the end result of his work. 'Okay what the hell?'' he murmured upon seeing the creature not only recover from his attack he didn't bear as so much as a scratch. ''Man forget this! I'm out here!'' he remarked as he dropped back into the abyss of the destroyed floor. Landing on his feet he burst out of the chimney with Fritz not too far behind. So much for today being boring.

* * *

Naruto leaped down some stairs, landing on his feet in one hand as he quickly looked around. This old castle was something out of a horror move, cobwebs everywhere, the structure old and moldy. The atmosphere was dank and uninviting in every meaning of the word. The place was definitely large on the inside then it looked and it was filled with all sorts of abominations. Finding himself in what looked like a cellar like area with barrels strewed about and even a wine wrack he chose to head to the left. His sneakered feet echoing along the rotten wood like floor of the room. His feet echoed as he continued picking up speed, to avoid that monster-gremlin thing that was trying to kill him. He couldn't remember the last time he did something so up and random like this.

He soon came a stop to the kitchen. From the roof various red crimson stained cords hung from the rope. Some part of a weird contraption you wouldn't see in every day life. Some of the cabinets were opened ajar, stained and dirty while others had rusted nails partially unscrewed. There was a refrigerator to the side, grey patches on its popcorn yellow exterior with papers held up by magnets and what looked liked a medal of sorts. In the walls various instruments such as butcher knifes or daggers were buried in it. In the middle of the kitchen was an old rotten table with a tattered red cloth, a serving dish and a candle in the serving dish.

Naruto tuned to his right and to see a Bipedal gator chef cooking something on an old and rusted Stove. Food splotches everywhere as the oven looked rather unsanitary. The gator was wearing a chef's hat and an apron with a red ascot. He was putting spices of some sorts in the bubbling brown pot, unaware of what was going on. The creature stopped, finally taking notice of the blond it jumped to the side and made some sort of weird noise. Shuffling in place for a moment it pulled out a butcher knife.

The creature swiped at Naruto who jumped to the side, the edge of the bladed instrument skimming his shirt. The creature hopped on the table, swiping at Naruto who ducked under each strike. The creature dove at Naruto who side stepped it and watch the creature dive head first into the stove. Naruto picked up the creature and shoved it into the lit stove and closed the door. The creatures howls and shrieks filled the room as the creature was slowly cooked alive. That left one of the untold number of creatures dead and made this place slightly safer.

He continued on the left, passing by another room with an old cabinet, a doorless closet where a decayed human skeleton was and random insects and bug strewed about. He walked into the room and suddenly the bear rug came to life. It roar and leaped at Naruto who lept up out of the way of the attack. Apparently the creature lost interest immediately afterwords as it went back to acting like a normal rug. He continued up the stairs and he came to a large hallway, with suited armors and to his north a balcony of sorts. He went out to the balcony and saw a hedge maze. At the end was a giant statue bearing a trident.

Hearing the grumblings of that little gremlin creature Naruto leaped over the railings, just barely avoiding being hooked. Looking all three directions he went to the right, he continued on North past a statue, followed by west, west, north, north, north, west, west, south, and north until he ran passed an open golden gate that shut firmly closed behind him. ''Hhm...looks like who I'm looking for isn't out here.'' as he walked out onto the arch way he began walking across the tiles that began to move and dislodge. Green substance began to reveal itself and Naruto leaped from tile to tile as he made his way to the fountain. He landed on the fountain when the eyes of one of the reptilian statues began to glow red. He moved to the side just as the same green substance from before spurted out, a few drops hitting his shirt and burning away a large portion of his sleeve. The substance began firing all around so Naruto leaped up to a higher level.

As he landed the statue came to life. Its violet eyes looking down at him as a golden colored oval shaped object flickered brightly. The creature shot out a spurt of acid he avoided and readied its trident. He rammed down where Naruto was, destroying part of the fountain. Naruto leaped on the trident as the creature brought it high above his head. Naruto let go and drew his hand back. Gathering chakra he quickly formed a Rasengan and rammed it into the center of the device. The device began to spark and malfunction from the attack and the creature stumbled forward. Its leg sinking into the massive tiled river of acid. Naruto quickly lept off the head of the creature as it slowly sunk to an acidic death. Rolling across a section of the maze Naruto recovered and dust himself off as a purple toad shot out its tongue. Naruto jumped to the side and continued on as he moved past some poisonous plants, or what he assumed was poisonous as they sprayed out some misty substance.

The blond continued on through the maze, leaping up back to the balcony and wiped his brow in relief. He went back down to the room from before, this time avoiding the stuffed Yeti creature. Pulling out some shuriken he let them flew from his left hand, nailing the creature in the eyes. The creature stumbled about, trying to attack him and by sheer dumb luck scooped up that Fritz creature in a bear hug. ''Damn your persistent.'' Naruto said as he pulled out an explosive tag. He ran up and slapped it on the creature's back and ran out of the room with a cackle as seconds later an explosion occurred. ''That should take care of that.'' he said as went back through the kitchen area.

The stove was opened somehow, shortly afterwords revealing sentience as a tendril of fire shot out and tried to ensnare him. Naruto ducked under the flames out of the room, deciding to take a right in the previous juncture room. Walking through the door a giant centipede monster rose up out of the ground. Naruto quickly did the Kagebunshin no jutsu to creature multiple targets as he slipped away. Moving through the door up a flight of stairs he found himself in another part of the castle. He came a stop to a building, a sign indicating some sort of shop. In bright purple it indicated Vivi's though the first I was short circuited. Curious, Naruto decided to head in to see if this Vivi person knew anything.


	2. Vivi's Funeral Salon!

Naruto vs Braindead 13

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Naruto x Vivi

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Author's Note

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With Halloween so close by I decided to do a series of horror/halloween based stories which I'm sure all of you will like.

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Story Start

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With each step the took along the old and unstable floor of the castle a creek could be heard. Naruto continued up the worn out steps and up to the door. He placed his hand on the knob, taking a hold of it with a firm grip and began jiggling it. He attempted to twist and open but it was stuck. He jingled it a few more times, exerting force against the thing before the door finally swung up and nearly sent him tumbling over.

He caught himself; his hands firmly placed on his knees and with a soft exhale looked up to greet the proprietor. His mouth dropped slightly upon seeing the woman. Her skin was that of a pale blue skin shade, suggesting if not outright giving away she wasn't human. The midsection of her torso, which thanks to her outfit showed off her midriff was thin while the woman was incredibly busy with large thick thighs and huge plump booty to match. Her outfit was black, slightly tattered, giving her a bit of a gothic appeal with incredibly long legs that made a great deal of her body. "Why hello there sugah." The woman greeted in a southern drawl. She turned slightly to put away the mirror in her hand to get a glimpse of her behind. She had enough junk in the trunk to break the wheel axles on an 18 wheeler. "I'm Vivi, welcome to my funeral saloon."

"Hello Vivi-san, my name Is Naruto and I…" he began explaining as the woman floated over to him.

"Have a seat sugah." She didn't give him time to finish as she grabbed him by the scruff of her shirt and with ease sent him flying across the room and right into a chair.

Naruto let out a grunt as he took a few seconds to collect himself. That unnatural strength Vivi shown definitely narrowed down her lineage. With her unnatural sex appeal, great strength and southern accent it strongly hinted towards her being a vampire. Oh and the changing into a bat was a pretty big clue too.

"So sweetie, you in a hurry or something?"

"Not really, well besides the indestructible little hunchback that keeps trying to gut me." He groaned.

"You mean Mr. Fritz, oh he's harmless once you get to know him." The woman dismissively remarked. She quickly put on a cobweb style cutting cape on Naruto. Speaking of which, said creature came stumbling in. "Ooh another customer, hang tight sweetie." She cooed as she left Naruto in the chair. Seeing as Naruto was their first, Vivi strongly recommended Fritz try the new coffin her friend Cleo sent her and sent him flying into the coffin.

"Vivi-san I don't need…" he was cut off as she pressed her finger against his lips, her sharp nail threatening to pierce the skin on the bridge of his nose.

"I know just the thing." Vivi rolled the blond over to the mirror. "Seeing as I'm already a little…behind." She remarked with a sway in her movements. "Normally I'm not so forward, but you're kind of cute. Care to join me for a bite?" she suggested. "You look like my type?" Naruto though didn't answer, he was too busy staring at Vivi's none reflection in the mirror. Being aware that someone is a vampire and dealing with them were two different things. Especially if one hadn't dealt with Vampires in the past. "Though I suppose that'll come later, how about a shave, or a manicure?"

Naruto continued dodging Vivi's games. The midnight blue with white skunk striped vampire didn't seem all that malicious. By the time it was over Vivi was rather stumped. No one had ever survived one of her treatments besides another Saint's member. "How much do I owe you?" Naruto asked as he began walking forward, taking his attention off Vivi as he riffled through her wallet.

"I say Lunch should about cover it." She answered with a coy smile. The blond was rather slippery, so it was time to drop the pretenses. Her eyes glowed red as she shot forward, her fangs bearing as she aimed for Naruto's neck. The blond proved faster than she expected as he maneuvered out of the way and tripped her, resulting in her landing in one of her own chairs and trapping her.

Her chairs were designed so they would automatically lock prey in place when a certain amount of force was registered. "Ooh, Mr. Naruto, I didn't think you were that kind of man." She cooed. "What do you plan on doing to little oh me?" she put on an act of innocence, trying to completely disregard her attempt to drain him dry earlier.

"Nice try miss vamp. I wonder how many people met their end in this little shop of yours?"

"How else would I maintain my girlish figure?" She argued, flashing the blond a pitiful look. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to maintain a steady food supply? I am on the verge of starving."

Naruto contemplated her words for about a minute. No matter how much of a bad idea this was, he couldn't condemn someone to starve to death. "If I let you have some of my blood, will that leave you content?"

"Why of course sugah." Vivi couldn't believe her luck. Humans could be quite gullible sometimes. She immediately freed herself from a prison by changing into a bat, and changing back to her natural state. In the same amount of time Naruto used a kunai to on his arm where Vivi could feed. Ruled by her hunger, Vivi immediately sunk her teeth where the crimson fluid seeped. The cooper taste of fresh, none pre-modem blood was quite luxurious.

Vivi moaned, the texture and sensation was unlike anything she ever stated. This blood was quite powerful and it rejuvenated her. She could not drain this man dry, not with blood like this. Her thighs began rubbing together as she continued to feed for half a minute. Once that timed passed Naruto pulled his arm away from her. As the blood coursed through her something awakened within Vivi that she thought had long since died decades ago. Desire. If this blond was as half as a great of a lover as his blood then she definitely found herself a keeper.


End file.
